Overnight Blues

I am currently in hour 6 of my 12 hour overnight shift. While the rest of you are either sleeping away in your cozy beds, watching late night informercials (Pick up the phone...), making love to your significant other, or just man-handling the meat stick, I am sitting here trying to figure out how I will remain awake for the second half of this marathon. You see, had this been a normal night I would have little trouble keeping the eyelids open. However, to truly understand my pain you have to understand that my shifts have been in flux for the past few days. Here's a re-cap:
Friday and Saturday I enjoyed overnight shifts (from 7pm to 7am), Sunday I had off (but don't think for a second that I actually had an opportunity to sleep when I got home. Instead I had to prepare for...) Monday I worked a day shift (from 7 am to 7pm) leading me to tonight, once again an overnight (7pm to 7am in case you forgot already). Maybe tomorrow I can catch a bit of a nap, because I get to sleep in on Thursday (I don't report to work until 8:30 am).
This sleep depriving schedule from hell caused me to to start thinking about what the worst jobs (in my opinion) might possibly be. I have come up with a top five, which I will list and explain here (in reverse order of course):

5. Cab Driver - If you have read my "Safest Method Of Travel" blog you'll understand why I feel that they have the most dangerous job in the world. But aside from that, how disgusting are cabs? I mean come on!!! I have had (as I'm sure we all have) the unpleasant experience of riding in a cab that really allowed my imagination to take flight and question what was actually transported before me. I couldn't imagine actually having to be face to face with it (or rearview mirror to face at least). However, according to late night tv, cabs could also be full of drunk, nubile women who love to show of their woman parts - so I guess this job is just a crapshoot.

4. Plumber - Ok, sure they seem to make a decent amount of money (considering how much they frickin' charge every time they stick a washer into a tap), but what other profession has inspired such a fashion trend? The plumbers crack is universally known, and that is usually the first thing that comes to mind whenever that job is mentioned. Besides that, who wants to make a living playing around in human excrement? Maybe just sewer workers (tied for 4 with plumber), or really disturbed fetishists(is this a real word?). However, the flip side of the coin is that (if adult entertainment is to be believed) hot women routinely call plumbers just to seduce them and force them into threesomes with their hot roomates. However, that's only if the pizza guy didn't get there first.

3. Male Nurse - You're a male, and you're a nurse. Enough said.

2. Seaman - Imagine telling someone what you do..."Hi, I'm Steve. What's that? Oh, I'm a Seaman. No no, not semen, seaman. Why are you laughing at me? Grow up, I mean I'm a sailor! Why's that even funnier?" This could go on and on.

1. Tele-worker - I use the term worker to blanket the entire telecommunications world. From telemarketer to collections agent to customer service representative to phone sex operator...it all stinks. Trust me, I speak from experience. I have done it all. Well, almost all. But let me say, there's a good reason why these places are always hiring. If they did suicide stats on tele-representatives I'm sure they would be pretty high. On the flip side, you tend to get a pretty spiffy cubicle to work in (but not personalize, lest the relief personnel who shares your desk get upset).

Have you got a really crappy job? Let me know. I would love to display your horrific work stories right here on this site that no one reads! Which I guess makes writing this blog a pretty crappy job too.